The Year I Didn't . . .

The past year was one that I never would never have guessed I would experience in my lifetime. I did less of what was familiar and routine and more of what was different and uncomfortable. Reflecting back on these last 12 months, I realize I've grown in ways I never would have had I not been challenged by isolation, fear and need. In talking with my friends, I've discovered one thing we all had in common. Each of us thought that we would use the time in March last year, when the reality of COVID-19 really hit home here in the United States, to get our houses in order. Be it cleaning, purging, working on hobbies, or redecorating, most of my friends, and myself, naively believed we would just stay home, putter about, catch up on lots of things, and in a month or so, start living our old familiar lifestyles. Having a clean and organized domicile would be a perk of our month of self-quarantine and the time spent would feel less like sacrifice and more like a gift. We thought to ourselves . . . "I've got this". Soon, though, as the hours, and days and weeks went by, and the daily news reports were filled with stories and images of worldwide suffering and death, it became apparent that our first impressions were way off base.

How is it that we didn't understand what a pandemic really was? How could we be so naive? Had we been fooled by living in a bubble for years where a DPT shot in the arm as a child, or a flu shot as an adult kept us heathy? Did we even understand the alternative? For me, not having known anyone who suffered from diptheria or tetanus, it never registered with me that it could be so serious. Pertussis, commonly known as whooping cough, made its way into the local school in the late 50's/early 60's, but I only knew one person who had it and they were quarantined. I had influenza many times and was very sick, but nothing like what I was seeing on the nightly news . . . a deadly flu.

The isolation I originally embraced as an opportunity to get my life and home in order lead to fear. I feared the loss of friends and family due to the virus, the loss of the life of freedom and convenience that I'd grown so accustomed to, along with the inability to make plans for the future. Instead of the invigoration I had embraced in early March, by April my thoughts and my spirit were dampened. 

I didn't clean, purge, or organize. I didn't sew, draw, paint, knit or redecorate. I didn't garden. I didn't write and I didn't dream. I didn't do any of the things I imagined I would do during the shutdown. I worried about everybody and everything.

Slowly I learned how to function in new ways. Disbelief was replaced by a acceptance. I shopped for groceries online and had them delivered to our door. I made masks and gave them to friends, family, neighbors and the people who delivered groceries and packages to our door. I learned how to cope.

When elastic wasn't available, because all the home sewists exhausted the supply in stores and online by making masks, I dug out my grosgrain ribbons and used them to make ties. Sometimes having a stash of supplies pays off!

I made lists and made plans. My thoughts got clearer and I remembered pleasant things in my past and dreamed about the future. I wore my favorite perfume every day. I fussed with my hair as it grew longer and I put on my makeup. I stopped saving my favorite sweaters for good and wore them for every day. These habits gave me a sense of normalcy in an abnormal world.

While writing this post, I thought about my journey over the past year or so. Going through these changes reminded me of the stages of grief that psycholgist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross wrote about in her book, "On Death & Dying", which was required reading for a course I took in college. Before her death in 2004, Ross collaborated with David Kessler to write the manuscript for her final book, "On Grief and Grieving". It sounds interesting and I plan to read soon.

My stages seemed to follow this path:

Denial ... I was shocked and was in disbelief.  What I had only seen in science fiction movies was becoming a reality.

Anger ... As more news came out about how the virus spread around the globe, I became angry. I couldn't believe that this was "allowed" to happen and not stopped before it spread.

Bargaining ... I decided, if we needed to live with this threat, I could do so. I hoped it would burn itself out when summer weather arrived and we started to live outdoors in the sunshine and fresh air, like the influenza does that spreads across the US every winter. 

Depression ... Friends and relatives contracted the virus. The virus was continuing to spread. My depression was mixed with fear. Visions from the stories on the nightly news were burned into my brain and were hard to shake. 

Acceptance ... Hearing that vaccines were being developed and tested and would be available gave me hope. I have learned and practice safe ways to shop and socalize with others. I have only seen my friends and family on Zoom. I have a better understanding of what our future may hold and how I will need to function in our changed world.

There is a plethora of information on the subject of grief on the internet. A link to one source about grief follows:

https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/grief/understanding-the-stages-of-grief/

This is a heavy topic, but one each of us has dealt with over the past 12 months; so I hope you, my dear reader, don't feel this post is preachy. Since some of my relatives and friends were diagnosed with Covid-19, I take it very seriously. We are not out of the woods, but there is light ahead as we make our way. Becoming knowlegeable about how a pandemic affects us and the world we live in is our responsibility. If we need more medical information, we can either read about it online from reputable sources, such as the NIH or the CDC, or consult with our own doctors. Information is key. 

Please continue to stay informed and please continue to wear a mask that covers your nose and mouth, keep the recommended distance away from others, and wash your hands! Some gatherings may need to be postponed, and others may need to be held in spacious settings to keep all participants safe. Zoom calls and Facebook messenger video chats have become commonplace and if you haven't tried either, I urge you to do so. With just a little practice, you can learn to use them and enjoy chatting and seeing unmasked faces! 

Some of the masks I made with grosgrain ribblon ties, before elastic became available. 
Another lesson learned during this pandemic was making do with things I had on hand.

As I alluded to in this post's title, this was "the year I didn't", which I described a bit herein. But it was also "the year I did" new things and learned new things. I learned a few of life's lessons along the way, too; but  that is a topic for a future post. 

Thank you for taking time from your day to read this post. Your comments are welcome here on my blog or on Facebook. It is my sincere wish that you and those you love are happy and healthy. And, until we meet again, may the Lord hold you in the hollow of His hand. 

Emmy

The Not-So-Pretty Side of Amaryllis

In a recent post, I showed photos of beautiful amaryllis blooms that we were enjoying this winter and wrote about why I decided to cut them and put the flowers in vases. You can read that post here:

https://studioemmy.blogspot.com/2021/02/thankful-morning.html?m=1

Now that all the plants in my little collection have had their flower stalks cut, the not-so-pretty side of growing amaryllis comes into play. Compared to other bulbs you may be familiar with, such as daffodils, tulips and hyacynths, amaryllis bulbs are huge. Here is some info about their sizes and what you can expect from an amaryllis bulb:

https://blog.longfield-gardens.com/amaryllis-bulb-size-what-the-measurements-mean-and-why-they-matter/

In my experience, an amaryllis bulb will have two stalks and some very large leaves that get heavy and floppy. They are a delight in the throes of a cold and snowy winter and I think it will be worth the effort to try to keep them over to get them to bloom next winter. For now, they will stay put in their pots so the roots won't be disturbed and I will try to give them just enough water to keep the bulbs healthy . . . not too much and not too little! When the weather is warm enough for them to venture outdoors, I will put the pots in a protected area where I can keep my eye on them. If things go well, I will bring them back inside and force them into dormancy.

For some, this might be too much bother. In fact, it might just be too much bother for me! But, it's worth a try. For all the beauty these magnificent floral blooms provide in the dead of winter, I will give it my best shot. And, should I fail, I know I can buy them on sale before Christmas at the local Tractor Supply store. When I found them there online this past December, I ordered three and picked them up curbside at the local store. It couldn't have been easier, and the price was very resonable at under $6 each. The ones at the local stores may be smaller bulbs and not as mature as some of the fancier ones at growers' websites, but these were worthy performers. I was given a fancy basket of three for Christmas that were bigger and sent up very healthy stalks and put out a colorful variety of magnificent huge blooms. If you look online when it is time to order them again in late fall/early winter, you will find all kinds and even some that are just the bulb, coated with wax, that will blossom in a vessel devoid of water or soil. They can even be suspended upside down for dramatic effect. 

I hadn't thought of preserving any of these giant flowers in my floral press until my husband suggested it. I certainly had enough blooms to spare a couple for preserving. They were such large flowers and after I dissected them, they required several pages in my press. They are safely tucked inside and battened down to dry and flatten. Time will tell, if they will look good enough to use in a collage or if they will be suitable for framing.

To view a close-up of any of the photos herein, click on the image.

An amaryllis bloom sacrificed for the flower press.

The flower press that my husband gave to me last year for my birthday. Not only is it functional, but is pretty with its wooden covers and the lever that keeps everything inside secure.

Petals of one of the giant red blooms and stamens takes up an entire page in my flower press.

Hopefully, these dissected blooms and stigma will provide some interesting results.

These delicate pink and white petals are a bit curly. I didn't want to slice them, so I'm not sure what I'll find when I open the press several weeks from now. At the bottom of the photo are the stamens and the stigma from the center of the bloom.

While I am on the subject of preserving flowers, I'm planning to open the box of last summer's pressed blooms that I saved. This is all new to me; but by watching YouTube videos, I feel confident that I can learn how to use them to make things. If I have any success, I will share it in a post.

The not-so-pretty amaryllis farm takes up a lot of real estate in our dining room window. When it gets warm enough this spring or summer, the pots will be moved outdoors where they will stay until I bring them back in the fall for their forced dormancy. Hopefully, I will have success with them and we will enjoy blooms next winter! Perhaps I should sacrifice a few leaves to press. Hmmmmm . . .

As I write this post, March is continuing to give us more wintry weather. If the old saw is true about the lion and the lamb in March, we should enter springtime with less snow and more patches of green grass. It takes a long time for what truly feels like spring to arrive here in WNY . . . when the buds on trees open, spring bulbs bloom and the songbirds return. However, this year, I have read on friends' Facebook posts that they have already seen robins. I have yet to see one, but I keep looking every day! After the unusual year we have all experienced, spring will seem all the more special to us . . . whenever it really gets here.

Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this post. Your questions and comments are welcome here on my blog or on Facebook. I will read them and respond.  It is my hope that you and those you love are happy and healthy. And, until we meet again, may the Lord hold you in the hollow of His hand.

Emmy